Early A.M. Sanity Disclaimer
Everyone probably isn't this way. Driven to a state of gestational hormonal madness at, well, not what I'd say small provocations, exactly; they're sizeable enough, especially when you begin with a nearly pathological loathing of sudden change or perceived outside takeover. Usually I can manage to either write things out of my head, or find a sympathetic online eye to talk me down, so I've only lost control and "let" the most irrational, morbid fears escape into the neighborhood of hysteria (the kind usually reserved for stereotypical sitcom pregnancy) a couple of times in the past two months.
Today was one of Those.
I wish I could lend some of this chemical, errr... perspective, even for a day, to the more estrogen-impaired among us. Because, yes, I probably AM currently certifiable. My physiology has gone haywire, a situation that my recalcitrant troublemaker of a placenta is not helping in the least; it's gone and added a whole new layer of intermittent heavy-armed fatigue and dizziness to the equation. And though I'd like nothing more than NOT to weep (usually quite privately, thankyouverymuch) over even the tiniest scrap of thing -- believe me, my sinuses are killing me here -- I can't say it'll probably go down that way.
As much as I would like it to.
01/22/10 01:13 in Babble | Comments (3)
Just Can't Catch a Break
I got the call this morning -- my three-hour glucose test yesterday showed slightly elevated numbers at the two- and three-hour marks. Which means I have borderline gestational diabetes (That test was a pretty nasty little event in its own right -- and I have the hole-filled arms and blown vein to prove it -- but I don't have the will to rehash it again. At least there was no puking).
Well, I hung up and just bawled. I'd been so very close to pass on the one-hour screen, and, statistically, that usually means a pass on the three-hour. But I'm all about bucking statistics this time 'round, it seems. Lets hope not where it really matters, in the end.
I have to go to Santa Rosa on Tuesday afternoon (probably every week following, as well), and get dietary counselling and an Rx for a glucose meter. I'll have to follow strict guidelines, and test my blood after each meal. Which I will sure as hell be doing, and to the very last letter, because I do NOT want us to end up on insulin if it's at all within my power. Or marked as an even higher risk when it's time to give birth, and end up with surgical intervention.
I've been looking at sample diet plans (because almost a week is a long time re: baby-growing), and luckily mine isn't too far off the path. I need more proteins and less carbs in the early morning (when insulin resistance is highest), spread meals out a little more, and I need to obviously cut out the occasional white carb treats and juices (and sugar in the half-caf, sob), but the raw veggies, whole grains, and low fat (and of course low sodium!) proteins and dairy are there. I also need to work on short, glucose-levelling walks after meals, even if the thought is completely exhausting/overwhelming right now.
On the positive side, my last blood pressure reading was pretty much normal. I still feel as if it's high at times, so I don't know what to make of that yet. Someone offered me the loan of a home monitoring cuff, and I think I might just take them up on it. I have a suspicion that stress may be triggering it more than I thought, and I'd like to test that out a bit.
01/21/10 20:45 in Nugget | Comments (0)
Nut Butter Overthrow
I'd been buying and enjoying Skippy Natural for a few years. Just roasted peanuts, sugar, palm oil, and salt -- no nasty hydrogenated oils. But suddenly, I can't have the sodium, and my bananas were sad. Additionally, I don't eat a whole lot of meat, and I don't care for unsalted nuts, so, aside from yogurt, protein becomes sort of problematic.
Luckily, I had half a jar of Trader Joe's Almond Butter in the fridge (used it to make low-carb cookies for Christmas). Took a look at the nutrition facts: just nuts. Nothing else. No sodium. Much lower in saturated fat. Higher calcium (by far) and fiber content. Took a taste: a bit oilier than I like, little stirring to do, but not bad. Not as creamy as peanut butter. Surprisingly sweet for a spread with no added sugar. Most importantly: it still tastes delicious on bananas! Almonds have officially saved snack time.
01/13/10 11:57 in Food | Comments (0)
Some Brain Relief
Well, first off, my labs were all clear. So I don't have preeclampsia, at least not yet! Big, huge relief.
But. My two machine readings today were higher than I could have imagined -- about 185/100. Oh. My hell.
My OB (who I am now INCREDIBLY glad I chose, because when something is really important, she takes the time to work through it and doesn't just jump the gun) wasn't satisfied with just one set of readings, so she had her intern take them with a manual cuff. And those readings were in the 150/80 ballpark. Not great, but not faint-inducing, either. Then she had the nurse who took the initial readings use the cuff, to test for user error, and those were again different (I think both systolic and diastolic were a bit lower). So she's a little frustrated with the discrepancies, but believes that, generally, manual readings taken by a doctor are most accurate, and doesn't want to prescribe meds if they're not absolutely necessary (which bodes well re: her philosophy and how I jibe with it, I think). I go back on Thursday, when she'll manually take my BP herself. If it's still high, THEN she'll prescribe Methyldopa.
I still get lightheaded and have palpitations, but now at least I'm feeling a lot less anxiety than I was all last week. I might even actually get a full eight hours of sleep tonight, as opposed to the four or five I've been able to!
01/11/10 20:57 in Nugget | Comments (3)
In Limbo
Fetusdate: 23 weeks, 3 days. Due in 116 days.
That last number is what makes our current situation so potentially dangerous. Monday I was diagnosed with pregnancy-induced hypertension, and this early in the game, that's not a good thing. It has a one-in-two chance of eventually developing into preeclampsia, which can be damaging to my organs and slow the proper flow of blood, oxygen, and nutrients across the placenta. And other, far more terrifying things which I've spent much energy willing my brain not to examine too hard. Actually, it could even be preeclampsia (PE) now, but I'm waiting for the results of the urine and blood tests tomorrow (ask me about peeing into a brown plastic jug for 24 hours straight sometime!).
Needless to say, it's been a long week. I'm trying to keep my anxiety under control (and hence help the blood pressure), but it's difficult not to worry, and I'm losing some sleep. Normally food restrictions irk me, but now I'm obsessively keeping clear of sodium without complaint.
Normally I would question any diagnosis based upon numbers taken from only one day, but there've been other indicators: Last month my readings were high (not alarmingly so like this month, but still not good). When we went for a walk last weekend, I just didn't feel "right;" it was much, much more effort than normal (and remember, last pregnancy I was hiking elevated trails much later without undue stress). And I haven't felt right lately at all, heart-poundy and fluttery and lightheaded.
My OB told me that I'd likely be put on (fetus-safe) blood pressure medication, and hopefully, hopefully, that and moderate rest will control the situation until at least 37 weeks. If it should turn out that my kidneys are leaking protein badly, treatment is more harsh, and I may be looking at either a long haul in bed here (leaving the house only for appointments), or stricter rest in-hospital with constant monitoring.
I won't lie -- I'm absolutely terror-stricken by the thought of the last. It would be likely I'd be made to lie on my left side for the duration (that's four months), not allowed to use the bathroom, and develop increasing soreness, and muscle and bone and sanity loss every day. Even the thought of home bed rest is disturbing, but being assisted atop a bedpan when you're physically capable? That's beyond all my coping powers at the moment. I'm sure some of my most Aspergers-ian traits (uncomfortable with strangers touching me, being out of my comfort zone for an extended period, no control over my own routine) come into play here, too.
Last night we went out to the movies, and, while I of course enjoyed it immensely, I could feel the toll it took on my heart. We went to CVS to check out home monitors, and to use the blood pressure cuff there. I know those public freebies probably aren't the most accurate, and I'd been moving around a lot (and irritated) minutes previously, but still, 160/80 isn't a number you want to see.
So today I'm just trying to take things as easy as possible, waiting it out. I only wish I could have a mild sedative, and maybe shut my brain down for the next 24 hours.
01/10/10 14:29 in Nugget | Comments (3)
Things I Should Be Doing...
...right now:
Brushing the cat Writing out cards Baking cherry nut bread Baking any cookies, any at all Making up gift mixes Wrapping/shipping gifts Ordering other gifts Making cuttings for the rosemary wreath Studying for the final Cleaning up the kitchen
But I'm drinking coffee and messing around the 'net, mostly. That, and finding it difficult to muster much guilt.
12/05/09 13:01 in Babble | Comments (0)
Advent Hack
I was excited to get out the Advent Calendar and clip it up above our new patio door this year. But I certainly wasn't expecting the "cornice" to prove too thick for the small Bulldog clips!
After a few days of deliberation, and at the point where I'd pretty much thrown up my hands and begun clipping them into the tree (PSA: this does NOT work with a curious five-year-old), D. grabbed some spare plastic clips we'd used to attach lights to the gutters, and voila! instant remedy.
Now they can still hang cheerily in the (as-still largely undecorated and far, far too beige) kitchen, and keep far out of reach of small hands.
12/03/09 13:13 in Crafts | Comments (0)
NaBloPoFAIL
Well, that went well, no? Ha. I can't overcome the fact that, at the moment, my best writing time conflicts with my hormonally-induced coma time.
I've indulged in some real coffee, so I've got some ramble in me. Let's see...
What I've been thinking about re: The Holidays: I've plotted my cookie list for December. Even though D. won't be eating any, I plan to gift some, and use some as Christmas dinner dessert. Aside from the traditional frosted cutouts, Daniel has requested gingerbread men again, and I'll be trying Swedish rye and Linzers (couldn't resist that special Wilton cutter at Michael's).
What I'm avoiding right this minute: For the second year in a row, I'm attempting to design a t-shirt for an 8th grade math field day, as part of a contest which my college department sponsors. Currently, I'm blocked and sucking. Maybe it's because I still reflect upon my own 8th grade math teacher with something very much less than like. Also, there's an XML lesson sitting open in front of me, which I am likewise attempting to ignore.
Which USPS package I'm most anticipating in eighteen days (give or take): Pre-ordered. I know, just shush.
Which holiday craft I said I would not attempt again but am because everything in stores is wholly unsatisfying/made in China/$$$$$: Making my own cards. Nothing fancy. Still probably inadvisable. I should be putting my three years of InDesign skillz to work and just having something printed up, but that runs into money, too.
What event in January am I facing with some trepidation: Speaking of ID. I'm sitting for the ACE exam, so I can flash that official Adobe Certified Expert logo and, in lieu of a Real Design Degree, feel partially legitimate when I start begging for print design e-lance stuff.
11/20/09 10:47 in Babble , NaBloPoMo | Comments (2)
Festive Felt Forest
I love these felt Christmas trees! So easy—just felt, foam cones, pearl-head pins, and some shiny embellishments.
Mine will probably be more muted than the ones pictured, but I see myself making several of these in different sizes. We have cavernous (and still half empty) built-ins to deck, after all.
Via Craft.
11/14/09 22:56 in Crafts | Comments (2)
Growing Things
Not even half in and I missed two days! I'd meant to write on Wednesday night, but zonked out only to wake up minutes from midnight. And then yesterday kind of rode on the momentum of that failure. Bother. Well, I'll heave myself back on the wagon—pardon my ungainliness.
We tried out a small vegetable garden for the first time since 2004, and didn't do too badly for having such black thumbs. We're still reaping a bounty of roma tomatoes—I can't believe how many from just two plants! There were huge zucchini and yellow squash, a massive tuft of green onions, and string beans enough to have with three meals. I've been enjoying fresh mint tea, and the chives and oregano are doing well too. Half the heads of red leaf lettuce survived and thrived; but I let them get too large before harvesting and they were far too bitter even for me (lesson learned). The mini watermelon plants looked healthy enough, but never fruited.
Next year I'll add another couple of tomato plants, grow some peas, and try spinach instead of leaf lettuce. One zucchini plant yielded too much; I might try cucumber instead.
I was hoping to get a fall garden in, but didn't feel like bending over in October (still don't), and missed that window. Maybe next year!
Oh! We had several bunches of small green grapes, too. The vines came with the house. Which, aside from the intact front landscaping, was the only live and growing thing that did. Unless you count the aggressive shrubbery that had to be hacked forcibly out of the fireplace vent!
The Thujas we planted in early summer along the fence aren't dead yet, but they haven't grown much in the hot summer. Hopefully the rain will perk up even the Charlie Browniest of the nine. Today four Japanese White Birch and a Golden Locust were delivered by Urban Tree Farm (neat place to stroll). These trees are all much more mature than the Thujas, and we're hoping to see a little more shade (and a little less of our neighbors' bedroom windows) in the spring.
11/13/09 18:01 in Misc , NaBloPoMo | Comments (0)
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